Of Cows

I want to know why cows are so mistreated. I mean, every time I say cows are my favorite animal, people laugh. Some people don’t even take me seriously. They say “ewww” or “Ha, that’s funny.” Now whats so wrong about cattle? They provide us with so many things. I don’t understand the obsession with horses. That’s what I’d like cleared up. If someone says that their favorite animal is a horse no one says a word. Or even more common “Oh me too!”. I just don’t understand! Horses don’t do jack-crap for us. We can ride them, sure, but now we have motorcycles and cars and stuff. Besides if you were to ride a domesticated animal would it not be way-cooler to ride a bull?!?! Imagine… on the back of a spindly, little horse? Or enthroned on top of a large, black, snorting, muscles rippling, horns gleaming, 1,700 pound bull? It would look a lot cooler wouldn’t it? Plus, no one would want to mess with you if you were on the back of the most aggressive and dangerous (besides the hippo) herbivore in the world.

And on top of that cows give milk. Aha! Now that’s something with no real substitute, unlike the riding of a horse. Without cows you wouldn’t have milk, ice cream, cheese, cheesecake, milk chocolate, butter, and chocolate milk! Those are just a few things on the list. There are tons of things they provide us with. Imagine a world with no beef. No hamburgers! Now that would be sin. Cows also provide the most exciting part of the rodeo and of the run of the bulls.

People make out like cows are somehow grosser and dirtier then horses. I don’t understand why. Horses will crap and walk through it just like a cow does. I mean, it’s not like horses shower or something. They are just as dirty as cows are. The only difference is they are more useless.

A bull is also what they use for the main part of the entertainment in a Spanish bull fight. In this the bull represents the complete American favorite. He is the underdog. They put the bull into a ring and then have men run around and confuse it while others sneak-up on it and stab spears into its back haunches. Once the bull is weak from the loss of blood and aggravated to where its instincts tell it that it must now fight for its life, the matador comes out. This is a wanna-be Spanish pimp. He wears tight, black clothing and carries a silky red cape. Does this sound like The Man to you? YES! He waves the cape and as the bull runs at him (because it thinks it’s fighting for its life, and actually has nothing to do with the color of the cape) the matador steps aside and lets it run by, using his superior knowledge. As the bull passes by, the matador carries a spear in his other hand which he stabs into its lower back. After the bull has done a number of these he begins going for his final run, with the last of his strength. The matador knows when this time has come because this is not the first occasion he has performed the wicked deed. He then takes a sword in the other hand instead of a spear. This he stabs though the bull’s heart. The crowed goes wild as the bull dies at the matador’s apparent act of bravery. So basically, it’s a giant conspiracy against the bull. Thousands of cheering and excited spectators come to watch, the people in the ring all gang up and in the end the hit man delivers the bull to his doom. CONSPIRACY! And it’s all against the bull!

But horses get all the credit. At the end of the day, the horse doesn’t have these problems. It’s being bred and re-bred to get a final thoroughbred product that will be worth hundreds of thousands, if not millions of dollars. So naturally, it is treated like a king. Why is this? Because the media has made you love the horse, to accept it into society as one of us. You don’t eat horse, that's inhumane. You would never do what you did to the bull in the ring to a horse. Animal lovers would have you executed! But OH-HO-DEE-DOH! Let’s all gang up on the COW! The cow only ever gave you stuff! The cow never even got its own motion picture, which is what the horse has gotten HUNDREDS of times! It’s the media working hand in hand with all those sick little girls who have unwarranted pony fantasies! 

Anyway, cows are my favorite animal, and hopefully by reading this you will understand why that is, instead of scoffing and then thinking all your “subliminally” dictated horse thoughts.